Goodbye to You by Ben Harper
"All that you touch, you change.
All that you change, changes you.
The only lasting truth is change.
God is change."
~Octavia Butler
This truth above. This truth is one hell of a truth. It's hard to face this realization. Change is the only constant in this life, but here's the tension: I'm a woman who loves memory. I want to hold on to the moments. Change forces us to create narratives of this life, but only after we get distance from the transitions.
It's interesting to think of the micro and macro changes we witness in our lives. When we move, our environments change. When we can take a class, read a book or watch theater our mindsets or perspectives change. We can also have seismic shifts in our lives like losing someone, becoming sick or having a child that can change the DNA of our hearts.
If I were to choose 3 pivotal moments in our lives that changed me significantly, it was probably my time at Explore in NYC, teaching in India and meeting Anay. Each are worlds in themselves and so many subcategories within them that related to these small transformations too.
This year, in particular, is one full of changes. I remember when I moved from Windsor Terrace in Brooklyn to Fort Greene - a fairly innocuous transition. I had to walk the streets of Windsor Terrace after I moved to just give homage to that time in my life. Ha! So imagine these large shifts. How do we prepare ourselves for them?
I think back to when I was 5 years old, 10, 15, 20, 25 and so on...I think of what life was at each instance. I truly believe there was an essence to me throughout all these ages, but a lot of transitions changed other parts of me. I actually think I'm closer to my 5 year old self these days than my 10 or 15 year old self. I wonder - can we keep the essence that we love about ourselves in spite of tremendous changes? Is the way we prepare for these changes by remembering, we have a central part to ourselves we can carry along throughout it all?
I was listening to Ben Harper this week. It's been a while since I played his acoustic tracks. Those ones are the ones that always hit the soul mark for me.
"I wake up feeling like i've aged a year
'cause i go to sleep in fear of the dawn
head full of dreams unclear
make the days seem twice as long
I don't know how to say goodbye to you
maybe tomorrow i can start anew..."
These lyrics mean a lot to me on so many levels these days. I think of the people in my life and how we are transforming pretty significantly because of age. I don't know how to say goodbye - didn't get the manual on that one. I think of my first reaction to change... I go kicking and screaming and I'm not anywhere close to graceful. But once the change starts to seep in, I'm good. There's no timeframe on when it starts to feel okay, but through a series of actions and thoughts and beliefs on my end, it just starts to become the new normal. I just don't know how to say goodbye to what was once there. I think it's because I feel the loss so deeply.
Buddhism teaches impermanence. "Life in any world is unstable, it is swept away, it has no shelter or protector, nothing of its own." (Ven Bikhu Boddhi, Tricycle Magazine).
I love this concept. It's profoundly true. But something starts to become nihilistic if I think of life having nothing of its own. I'm too attached...I'm so typically human. I understand that if I were to accept impermanence as a fundamental truth, I might suffer less. For now, I'll hold on to the memories, reflect on the beauty of moments from the past and probably just go ahead and write a song about it all.
Goodbye to You by Ben Harper
All that you change, changes you.
The only lasting truth is change.
God is change."
~Octavia Butler
This truth above. This truth is one hell of a truth. It's hard to face this realization. Change is the only constant in this life, but here's the tension: I'm a woman who loves memory. I want to hold on to the moments. Change forces us to create narratives of this life, but only after we get distance from the transitions.
It's interesting to think of the micro and macro changes we witness in our lives. When we move, our environments change. When we can take a class, read a book or watch theater our mindsets or perspectives change. We can also have seismic shifts in our lives like losing someone, becoming sick or having a child that can change the DNA of our hearts.
If I were to choose 3 pivotal moments in our lives that changed me significantly, it was probably my time at Explore in NYC, teaching in India and meeting Anay. Each are worlds in themselves and so many subcategories within them that related to these small transformations too.
This year, in particular, is one full of changes. I remember when I moved from Windsor Terrace in Brooklyn to Fort Greene - a fairly innocuous transition. I had to walk the streets of Windsor Terrace after I moved to just give homage to that time in my life. Ha! So imagine these large shifts. How do we prepare ourselves for them?
I think back to when I was 5 years old, 10, 15, 20, 25 and so on...I think of what life was at each instance. I truly believe there was an essence to me throughout all these ages, but a lot of transitions changed other parts of me. I actually think I'm closer to my 5 year old self these days than my 10 or 15 year old self. I wonder - can we keep the essence that we love about ourselves in spite of tremendous changes? Is the way we prepare for these changes by remembering, we have a central part to ourselves we can carry along throughout it all?
I was listening to Ben Harper this week. It's been a while since I played his acoustic tracks. Those ones are the ones that always hit the soul mark for me.
"I wake up feeling like i've aged a year
'cause i go to sleep in fear of the dawn
head full of dreams unclear
make the days seem twice as long
I don't know how to say goodbye to you
maybe tomorrow i can start anew..."
Buddhism teaches impermanence. "Life in any world is unstable, it is swept away, it has no shelter or protector, nothing of its own." (Ven Bikhu Boddhi, Tricycle Magazine).
I love this concept. It's profoundly true. But something starts to become nihilistic if I think of life having nothing of its own. I'm too attached...I'm so typically human. I understand that if I were to accept impermanence as a fundamental truth, I might suffer less. For now, I'll hold on to the memories, reflect on the beauty of moments from the past and probably just go ahead and write a song about it all.
Goodbye to You by Ben Harper
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