Let the Magic In Album Release by Sheeba Marie
Dear M.,
Hi kiddo. Wow, here we are. You are almost one years old. We can't believe how fast time has flown by and we can't believe how much has happened in your first year of life.
And here's another letter to you, this time slightly more public;) I wish the letter was in an envelope and when you opened the envelope a bunch of GLITTER spilled out...but the environmentally safe kind! Why? I released a children's album dedicated to you! Let the Magic In...that's what you do: every.single.day.for.us.
I want to tell you the background of this album.
I didn't sit down the day after you were born and decide, "I'm going to write songs for M.!" In fact, for the first couple of months, I rarely sang. Postpartum blues hit me from all angles. I had a birth injury that prevented me from sitting down and standing up properly for almost 6 weeks. I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding, but felt like you wouldn't be nourished if I couldn't feed you. Compounded with physical injuries was my inner critic visiting me every so often - questioning my identity, my worth as a mother and telling me my career was done. I remember several times in the fall of last year when I would wake up with tears in my eyes.
Simultaneously, I remember these beautiful and tender moments: Anay staying up with me throughout the night in the first month to make sure I was comfortable, well fed and able to feed you. Your amma holding my hand and rubbing my back when I was in so much pain. She didn't need to say any words, but I felt her strength and support. Family and friends checking on us from around the globe. And you, my sweet sweet baby boy, growing at the speed of light before our eyes.
With the help of soul people in my life, I slowly started to remember how much music has been my rock, my footprint, and my way of expressing significant moments. I was told often I should write songs for you. I couldn't for quite some time. And finally, one day down the road, I did. The songs helped me express the tender, the silly, the significant, the simple...Some songs were about being a new mom and some songs were about trying to see the world through your eyes.
Those first several months with you were often quiet. It was literally you and me while poppa was at work with a few special visitors who flew in just to see you. We had moved back from Kenya and I didn't know many people in our new community. Which is funny, because in Kenya when I worked at the girl's high school, I interacted with no less than 100 people per day!
In certain moments, the quiet consumed me and made me confront personal challenges head on that I never really had to do for such prolonged periods of time. I'm grateful that I had to confront these inner challenges. It's not like I figured it all out by any means, but it was important to reflect deeply. One drop of wisdom for you I'm still learning: when we get a chance to do inner work, we come out more present.
During the moments where I was present, I could actually be with you. I welcomed the quiet and my time with you. We created our own little world. We played hard. We tackled blocks. You crawled over me. I invented new games. You laughed a lot. I sang to you.
In the middle of February, after writing several songs, I started to work with a really talented musician who helped me to produce them. And then COVID-19 swept through the globe. Your aunties and uncles are brave souls who will one day tell you all about the work they did on the frontlines to help others during these times. They were the true definition of selflessness. And as all of our worlds were rocked in so many ways, there was a new set of blues that brought tears to my eyes often and produced anxiety in me about the loss of lives, the worry for my family and friends and the uncertainty of this new normal for the world. I felt these blues deeply in my heart.
This grief lived side by side with a depth of gratitude. Because whenever I got to listen to and work on my songs for you and whenever Tristan added new elements, I felt grounded. In fact, any time I was able to do something creative, I realized I was able to stay that much more centered. I hope this is something I can pass on to you - music and creativity as peace, as expression, as prayer.
And you, throughout the first few months of lockdown: smiling your gummy smile, learning so many new things, making us laugh, and living in this constant state of wonder. You helped me see joy while I also held sorrow. I'm so grateful for that sunshine.
We are now in the month of June. We have lost over 100,000 people in America alone. And a new chapter in 2020 has started. The country's eyes and spiritual psyche have collectively and finally opened to the deep injustices we have partaken in/been complicit in for hundreds of years. Millions around the globe are finally saying outloud that Black Lives Matter. Systemic racism has done so much harm to our schools, our health systems and our communities. We can't keep ignoring this truth.
Photo by Omar Haj Kadour/AFP via Getty Images
Artists: Aziz Asmar and Anis Hamdoun in Syria
M., our beautiful brown boy, I cannot wait to tell you more about this particular moment in history that you are now a part of, that makes you who you are. It's a history we cannot forget. And it's part of larger global history that you are now written into, that is a part of your kismet.
Before you were born, I wrote a song about you and the strength that is a part of your DNA. I hold that to be so true and I'm so grateful your ancestors have given this gift to you. You come from a lineage of people who had a strong desire to create a more equitable world. You come from two different cultures and multiple religious faiths. We will make sure to teach you about the beauty and complexity of all of them. Your great grandparents were pretty remarkable. Your grandparents exude nothing but love for you. The stories we will tell you will be your foundation in this lifetime. I pray you will have the courage, resilience, and compassion you need to stand up to the many injustices and heartaches in this world.
Most importantly right now, I cannot forget how much JOY you give your poppa and me. This album is truly my love letter to you and to kids around the world. You all bring us so much magic. And I hope our generation can get it right and bend the arc a little more so your generation can keep dreamin'.
Love you to the moon and back (and thensome;),
Momma
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